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peachiesclosetI got into 8tracks way too late. By the time I joined, the website was already starting to break and people were turning to places like Spotify. I couldn't find the track commentary on my Anthy fanmix (which I finished just in time for Christmas Eve, the airing of the final Utena episode!) but then it turned out it was on Pillowfort instead of Dreamwidth, so now it's here for everyone to read. To celebrate, I include a brand new song on the mix I didn't have originally! :3 Canon-typical warnings for abuse, rape, and incest apply.
Anthy Himemiya :: Your Princess is in Another Castle
1. Bertine Zetlitz - Candy || 2. Eliza Rickman - Black Rose || 3. Candide - Glitter and Be Gay || 4. Lacuna Coil - To Myself I Turned || 5. Alanis Morissette - Precious Illusions || 6. Regina Spektor - The Flowers || 7. Imogen Heap - Candlelight || 8. Halou - Wholeness || 9. The Mountain Goats - If You See Light || 10. Florence + the Machine - Which Witch || 11. Garbage - Why Do You Love Me? || 12. of Montreal - chaos arpeggiating || 13. Vienna Teng - Recessional || 14. Joydrop - Cocoon || 15. The Dresden Dolls - Glass Slipper || 16. The Oh Hellos - Hello My Old Heart || 17. Porter Robinson - Fellow Feeling || 18. The Tiny - Know Your Demons || 19. Paramore - Let the Flames Begin
1. Bertine Zetlitz - Candy
Candy was the kind of girl
Who'd go to see a movie
And kept laughing after everyone had gone
She'd serve you milk and cookies
And she'd whisper: You're the sweetest
And you'd feel ashamed for thinking: I'm the one
That's what Candy would do
She'd smile just for you
That's what Candy would do
She would cut you in two
"I am the Rose Bride. From this day forward, I belong to you."
Our introduction to Anthy Himemiya, a sweet outcast oddball with no backbone or personality to speak of. She's whoever the winner of the duels wants her to be: her beliefs are their beliefs, she's always compliant, and smiling 24/7. Then she stabs you in the back with a sword. Wait what?
2. Eliza Rickman - Black Rose
Cry, baby, cry
Over my garden
You know you grow your own
Lay, lady, lay
Under my bed
You know I'll grow my own
Don't let him know
Don't let it show
You reap what you sow
Take this black rose
4. Lacuna Coil - To Myself I Turned
I was born in another world
Strictly connected to a piece of my mind
Nothing more than a little land
It is a small cradle where I'm a kid
I am the princess in there
Nothing wrong in my fantasy world
I am the king, the nation
No dictators or religions
No laws laid down for me
I have my own liberty inside of me
Nothing to lose, I want to live here
As you see I'm the only survivor in this land
...
I couldn't know if I...
If I will be strong enough for this
I have to choose, do I want to live here?
One Utena theory is that Ohtori is a prison of Anthy's own creation that others are trapped in with her... a fairy-tale high fantasy version of Pink Floyd's "The Wall."
5. Alanis Morissette - Precious Illusions
You'll rescue me, right?
In the exact same way they never did?
I'll be happy, right?
When your healing powers kick in?
You'll complete me, right?
Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy, right?
Only when you realize the gem I am?
But this won't work now, the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head
Did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
Utena and Anthy become engaged.
6. Regina Spektor - The Flowers
The flowers you gave me are rotting
And still I refuse to throw them away
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so I'm waiting and staying awake
Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep
The papers around me are piling and twisting
Regina the paperback mummy
What then?
I'm taking the knife to the books that I own
And I'm chopping and chopping and boiling soup from stone
"If it's for someone you love, how you feel about others doesn't matter. You keep lying to yourself for as long as it takes."
Behold Akio Ohtori, the king and Prince in the world of Ohtori. When you aren't being your own worst enemy, Akio would be more than happy to enable your destruction. He used to be a good guy once... only Anthy remembers him as Dios though, and she really really wants him to come back.
7. Imogen Heap - Candlelight
Lonely...
I am alone, surrounded by the color blue
Inside a poem, the only words I ever knew
Washing my hands, of the many years untold
For now I am banned, my future is to unfold
Would you take my candlelight?
Would you take my candlelight?
Would you take my candlelight away from me?
"(Utena) can't defeat Master Touga. I pity her. I wonder if it will end quickly. There's something strange about Miss Tenjou. She could die. Why does she fight on? It's over, Miss Tenjou. But I've seen this before. I know what this is. This is... This is... I know this! It's like what happened that time..."
Anthy allows herself to hope. Yes, this is based off one of the most cursed images in the series. 'Cause that's how I roll, baby.
8. Halou - Wholeness
How can I learn to let go
Now that you have shown
That you are strong enough?
But I am not
How can I let the world rough you around?
When I'm not there, I can't protect you
Why does life have to rob you of your innocence and faith
For you to be a grown up?
The only thing that gives me strength
When I am deep in doubt is your nature
Oh, how you damage me
You never mean to
Oh, how you break my heart
And make me need you
Oh, you can crush me
Like a rose petal
Oh, how you damage me
You never mean to
"Miss Utena, don't you know? How much I've always despised you?"
Alas, Utena’s greatest strength is also her weakness—she sees Anthy as more of a trophy to prop herself up and make her the Prince she’s always dreamed of becoming. Anthy is torn between humoring her or wrecking her shit.
9. The Mountain Goats - If You See Light
When the villagers come to my door
I will hide underneath the table in the dining room
Knees drawn to my chest
When the villagers come to my door
I will breathe shallow breaths from high up in my stomach
Ah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah
Waiting for the front door to splinter
Waiting all winter
When the villagers come to my door
I'll be all tucked away with my face to the floor and my eyes closed
And no one knows how to keep secrets 'round here
They tell everyone everything, soon as they know
And then where is there left for poor sinners to go?
Waiting for the front door to splinter
Waiting all winter
Young!Anthy on the run.
10. Florence + the Machine - Which Witch
Who's a heretic now?
Am I making sense?
How can you make it stick?
Waiting 'til the beat comes out
Who's a heretic, child?
Can you make it stick, now that I'm on trial
Waiting 'til the beat comes out
I'm miles away, he's on my mind
I'm getting tired of crawling all the way
I've had enough, it's obvious
And I'm getting tired of crawling all the way
"Dios is no longer here! He belongs to me alone now. I've sealed him away where you can never touch him again!"
In which she is stabbed by the Swords of Hate as a sacrifice for her brother.
11. Garbage - Why Do You Love Me?
I'm no Barbie doll
I'm not your baby girl
So I've done ugly things and I have made mistakes
And I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they're to be believed
So what if I'm no baby bird hanging upon your every word?
Nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud
...
I think you're sleeping with a friend of mine
I have no proof but I think that I'm right
And you've still got the most beautiful face
It just makes me sad most of the time
Anthy aids Akio in his plans, but by the time he ensnares Utena, she takes no joy out of it.
12. of Montreal - chaos arpeggiating
Mountain City yellows
They're not on the grounds, they're in the wall
This loneliness is so distracting
I'm barely missing you at all
Will I survive the Easter in this sloughy womb of noxious isolation?
No...
I can feel the sabers now in my illusionary casket
Now your charming little virus is getting all your attention
As I drag my chair up to the window to absorb some solar lashings
It's your saint's name day tomorrow
But last year's paper wasps they are not living anymore
Why should I be scorned like some catalyst for famines
When it's me who's been exiled in apartments?
Oh must I always be chaos arpeggiating?
Akio and Anthy's relationship has been tattered for ages, and it's only downhill from here.
13. Vienna Teng - Recessional
"It's so beautiful here," she says
"This moment now and this moment, now."
And I never thought I would find her here:
Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed
But she's looking at me, straight to center
No room at all for any other thought
And I know I don't want this, oh, I swear I don't want this
There's a reason not to want this but I forgot
"I feel like... Like I was dreaming about something familiar. I can't remember it now. Can't you sleep?"
"I was looking at your face as you slept. Who are you?"
Utena and Anthy met each other long ago as children, where Utena made a vow to become a Prince and rescue her... a memory long forgotten by both of them.
14. Joydrop - Cocoon
If I should choose to live in my cocoon
Wrap myself in me, and cry myself to sleep
If I should choose to protect my tender heart
Build a shell from you, steal myself from you
If I should choose to fall apart
Don't you think you should let me?
If I should choose to die alone
You should forgive and forget me
If I decide I can't do it anymore
Try to be so hard, I'm trying to be so fucking hard
If I should choose to keep lying to myself
Pretend my mind is telling truths
Well I've got my own, so who are you?
Anthy attempts suicide after Utena learns the truth about her and Akio, only to be stopped by her. The girls tearfully confess that they have been using each other.
15. The Dresden Dolls - Glass Slipper
How many crimes can I try spotting dry before it leaves a stain?
How many times say that I love you 'til it doesn't mean a thing?
How many fittings must I sit through with my big feet blistering?
How many times until it strips me and my big mouth strikes again?
...
How many wishes do I still have left to fix the way it ends?
How many princes do you think it takes to put a girl like this back together again?
How many instances can you point out when I was less than kind?
How many happy endings do you need to change your fucking mind?
And how much time do we have left before it's midnight and you see that I was never the right size?
"You remind me so much of Dios when I loved him. But you can never be my prince. Because you're a girl."
Pour a big one of your favorite alcoholic beverage, 'cause this song is pretty much the most hopeless and tearjerking of the whole mix. Anthy stabs Utena, but why? Whatever the reason, she has lost all hope.
16. The Oh Hellos - Hello My Old Heart
Hello my old heart
How have you been?
How is it, being locked away?
Well don't you worry
In there, you're safe
And it's true, you'll never beat
But you'll never break
Nothing lasts forever
Some things aren't meant to be
But you'll never find the answers
Until you set your old heart free
"Oh, stubborn and reckless hero... You let me have a small taste of true friendship. Farewell."
Anthy resigns herself to her coffin.
17. Porter Robinson - Fellow Feeling
I cried, for I didn't think it could be true
That you and I might have always known one another
And that we could not only evoke, but conjure a place of our own
And everywhere, that has ever existed
Is all on the surface of our dream
Now please, hear what I hear
Let me explain
This ugliness, this cruelty, this repulsiveness
It will all die out
And now, I cry for all that is beautiful
Let me explain
"Who's there?"
"I came to save you."
"But... Who are you...?"
"I came all this way to be with you. So don't be afraid of this world where we can meet."
Utena reaches out to Anthy.
18. The Tiny - Know Your Demons
Listen devil
I will let you go
I have carried you for years
But my hands are sore
I won’t feed you anymore
This is as far as I will take you
I should’ve turned you down from the start
My lungs are burning
But you’re worn out too
I know your every turn
By heart
Like a favorite work of art
Know your demons
They know you
Wherever you go
They go too
Know your demons
They know you
Wherever they go
You’re bound to
...
Your poisonous whispers
Are boring me
I’ve got other words
To comfort my mind
No matter how you twist
Or how you fight
I’ll pull you out
You parasite
"By all means, stay in this cozy coffin of yours... and continue to play prince. But I have to go now."
Anthy leaves Akio.
19. Paramore - Let the Flames Begin
Somewhere weakness is our strength
And I'll die searching for it
Can't let myself regret
Such selfishness
My pain and oh the trouble caused
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope
Buried beneath it all
And hiding beneath it all and
Growing beneath it all
This is how we'll dance when they try to take us down
This is how we'll sing (oh)
This is how we'll stand when they burn our houses down
This is what will be
Oh glory
"This time, it's my turn to go. No matter where you are, I swear I'll find you. Wait for me... Utena."
Anthy officially leaves Ohtori. The song is also a nod to her movie self, who establishes a more active role and drives none other than the famous Utena car.
youtube | spotify
Anthy Himemiya :: Your Princess is in Another Castle
1. Bertine Zetlitz - Candy || 2. Eliza Rickman - Black Rose || 3. Candide - Glitter and Be Gay || 4. Lacuna Coil - To Myself I Turned || 5. Alanis Morissette - Precious Illusions || 6. Regina Spektor - The Flowers || 7. Imogen Heap - Candlelight || 8. Halou - Wholeness || 9. The Mountain Goats - If You See Light || 10. Florence + the Machine - Which Witch || 11. Garbage - Why Do You Love Me? || 12. of Montreal - chaos arpeggiating || 13. Vienna Teng - Recessional || 14. Joydrop - Cocoon || 15. The Dresden Dolls - Glass Slipper || 16. The Oh Hellos - Hello My Old Heart || 17. Porter Robinson - Fellow Feeling || 18. The Tiny - Know Your Demons || 19. Paramore - Let the Flames Begin
1. Bertine Zetlitz - Candy
Candy was the kind of girl
Who'd go to see a movie
And kept laughing after everyone had gone
She'd serve you milk and cookies
And she'd whisper: You're the sweetest
And you'd feel ashamed for thinking: I'm the one
That's what Candy would do
She'd smile just for you
That's what Candy would do
She would cut you in two
"I am the Rose Bride. From this day forward, I belong to you."
Our introduction to Anthy Himemiya, a sweet outcast oddball with no backbone or personality to speak of. She's whoever the winner of the duels wants her to be: her beliefs are their beliefs, she's always compliant, and smiling 24/7. Then she stabs you in the back with a sword. Wait what?
2. Eliza Rickman - Black Rose
Cry, baby, cry
Over my garden
You know you grow your own
Lay, lady, lay
Under my bed
You know I'll grow my own
Don't let him know
Don't let it show
You reap what you sow
Take this black rose
As one might suspect from the whole "owning the Rose Bride" thing, nothing about Ohtori Academy seems normal. Everything repeats and there's mentions of cycles... the title is even a nod to Anthy's role as Mamiya Chida during the Black Rose arc.
3. Candide - Glitter and Be Gay
Ah, 'twas not to be
Harsh necessity brought me to this gilded cage
Born to higher things, here I droop my wings
Ah! Singing of a sorrow nothing can assuage
And yet of course I rather like to revel, ha ha!
I have no strong objection to champagne, ha ha!
My wardrobe is expensive as the devil, ha ha!
Perhaps it is ignoble to complain...
Enough, enough of being basely tearful!
I'll show my noble stuff by being bright and cheerful!
A brand new song for the mix itself! :3 Anthy reflects on her shitty circumstances, trapped and bitter but finding no escape—that is, if she feels she deserves one in the first place.
4. Lacuna Coil - To Myself I Turned
I was born in another world
Strictly connected to a piece of my mind
Nothing more than a little land
It is a small cradle where I'm a kid
I am the princess in there
Nothing wrong in my fantasy world
I am the king, the nation
No dictators or religions
No laws laid down for me
I have my own liberty inside of me
Nothing to lose, I want to live here
As you see I'm the only survivor in this land
...
I couldn't know if I...
If I will be strong enough for this
I have to choose, do I want to live here?
One Utena theory is that Ohtori is a prison of Anthy's own creation that others are trapped in with her... a fairy-tale high fantasy version of Pink Floyd's "The Wall."
5. Alanis Morissette - Precious Illusions
You'll rescue me, right?
In the exact same way they never did?
I'll be happy, right?
When your healing powers kick in?
You'll complete me, right?
Then my life can finally begin
I'll be worthy, right?
Only when you realize the gem I am?
But this won't work now, the way it once did
And I won't keep it up even though I would love to
Once I know who I'm not, then I'll know who I am
But I know I won't keep on playing the victim
These precious illusions in my head
Did not let me down when I was defenseless
And parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends
Utena and Anthy become engaged.
6. Regina Spektor - The Flowers
The flowers you gave me are rotting
And still I refuse to throw them away
Some of the bulbs never opened quite fully
They might so I'm waiting and staying awake
Things I have loved I'm allowed to keep
I'll never know if I go to sleep
The papers around me are piling and twisting
Regina the paperback mummy
What then?
I'm taking the knife to the books that I own
And I'm chopping and chopping and boiling soup from stone
"If it's for someone you love, how you feel about others doesn't matter. You keep lying to yourself for as long as it takes."
Behold Akio Ohtori, the king and Prince in the world of Ohtori. When you aren't being your own worst enemy, Akio would be more than happy to enable your destruction. He used to be a good guy once... only Anthy remembers him as Dios though, and she really really wants him to come back.
7. Imogen Heap - Candlelight
Lonely...
I am alone, surrounded by the color blue
Inside a poem, the only words I ever knew
Washing my hands, of the many years untold
For now I am banned, my future is to unfold
Would you take my candlelight?
Would you take my candlelight?
Would you take my candlelight away from me?
"(Utena) can't defeat Master Touga. I pity her. I wonder if it will end quickly. There's something strange about Miss Tenjou. She could die. Why does she fight on? It's over, Miss Tenjou. But I've seen this before. I know what this is. This is... This is... I know this! It's like what happened that time..."
Anthy allows herself to hope. Yes, this is based off one of the most cursed images in the series. 'Cause that's how I roll, baby.
8. Halou - Wholeness
How can I learn to let go
Now that you have shown
That you are strong enough?
But I am not
How can I let the world rough you around?
When I'm not there, I can't protect you
Why does life have to rob you of your innocence and faith
For you to be a grown up?
The only thing that gives me strength
When I am deep in doubt is your nature
Oh, how you damage me
You never mean to
Oh, how you break my heart
And make me need you
Oh, you can crush me
Like a rose petal
Oh, how you damage me
You never mean to
"Miss Utena, don't you know? How much I've always despised you?"
Alas, Utena’s greatest strength is also her weakness—she sees Anthy as more of a trophy to prop herself up and make her the Prince she’s always dreamed of becoming. Anthy is torn between humoring her or wrecking her shit.
9. The Mountain Goats - If You See Light
When the villagers come to my door
I will hide underneath the table in the dining room
Knees drawn to my chest
When the villagers come to my door
I will breathe shallow breaths from high up in my stomach
Ah hah hah hah hah hah hah hah
Waiting for the front door to splinter
Waiting all winter
When the villagers come to my door
I'll be all tucked away with my face to the floor and my eyes closed
And no one knows how to keep secrets 'round here
They tell everyone everything, soon as they know
And then where is there left for poor sinners to go?
Waiting for the front door to splinter
Waiting all winter
Young!Anthy on the run.
10. Florence + the Machine - Which Witch
Who's a heretic now?
Am I making sense?
How can you make it stick?
Waiting 'til the beat comes out
Who's a heretic, child?
Can you make it stick, now that I'm on trial
Waiting 'til the beat comes out
I'm miles away, he's on my mind
I'm getting tired of crawling all the way
I've had enough, it's obvious
And I'm getting tired of crawling all the way
"Dios is no longer here! He belongs to me alone now. I've sealed him away where you can never touch him again!"
In which she is stabbed by the Swords of Hate as a sacrifice for her brother.
11. Garbage - Why Do You Love Me?
I'm no Barbie doll
I'm not your baby girl
So I've done ugly things and I have made mistakes
And I am not as pretty as those girls in magazines
I am rotten to my core if they're to be believed
So what if I'm no baby bird hanging upon your every word?
Nothing ever smells of roses that rises out of mud
...
I think you're sleeping with a friend of mine
I have no proof but I think that I'm right
And you've still got the most beautiful face
It just makes me sad most of the time
Anthy aids Akio in his plans, but by the time he ensnares Utena, she takes no joy out of it.
12. of Montreal - chaos arpeggiating
Mountain City yellows
They're not on the grounds, they're in the wall
This loneliness is so distracting
I'm barely missing you at all
Will I survive the Easter in this sloughy womb of noxious isolation?
No...
I can feel the sabers now in my illusionary casket
Now your charming little virus is getting all your attention
As I drag my chair up to the window to absorb some solar lashings
It's your saint's name day tomorrow
But last year's paper wasps they are not living anymore
Why should I be scorned like some catalyst for famines
When it's me who's been exiled in apartments?
Oh must I always be chaos arpeggiating?
Akio and Anthy's relationship has been tattered for ages, and it's only downhill from here.
13. Vienna Teng - Recessional
"It's so beautiful here," she says
"This moment now and this moment, now."
And I never thought I would find her here:
Flannel and satin, my four walls transformed
But she's looking at me, straight to center
No room at all for any other thought
And I know I don't want this, oh, I swear I don't want this
There's a reason not to want this but I forgot
"I feel like... Like I was dreaming about something familiar. I can't remember it now. Can't you sleep?"
"I was looking at your face as you slept. Who are you?"
Utena and Anthy met each other long ago as children, where Utena made a vow to become a Prince and rescue her... a memory long forgotten by both of them.
14. Joydrop - Cocoon
If I should choose to live in my cocoon
Wrap myself in me, and cry myself to sleep
If I should choose to protect my tender heart
Build a shell from you, steal myself from you
If I should choose to fall apart
Don't you think you should let me?
If I should choose to die alone
You should forgive and forget me
If I decide I can't do it anymore
Try to be so hard, I'm trying to be so fucking hard
If I should choose to keep lying to myself
Pretend my mind is telling truths
Well I've got my own, so who are you?
Anthy attempts suicide after Utena learns the truth about her and Akio, only to be stopped by her. The girls tearfully confess that they have been using each other.
15. The Dresden Dolls - Glass Slipper
How many crimes can I try spotting dry before it leaves a stain?
How many times say that I love you 'til it doesn't mean a thing?
How many fittings must I sit through with my big feet blistering?
How many times until it strips me and my big mouth strikes again?
...
How many wishes do I still have left to fix the way it ends?
How many princes do you think it takes to put a girl like this back together again?
How many instances can you point out when I was less than kind?
How many happy endings do you need to change your fucking mind?
And how much time do we have left before it's midnight and you see that I was never the right size?
"You remind me so much of Dios when I loved him. But you can never be my prince. Because you're a girl."
Pour a big one of your favorite alcoholic beverage, 'cause this song is pretty much the most hopeless and tearjerking of the whole mix. Anthy stabs Utena, but why? Whatever the reason, she has lost all hope.
16. The Oh Hellos - Hello My Old Heart
Hello my old heart
How have you been?
How is it, being locked away?
Well don't you worry
In there, you're safe
And it's true, you'll never beat
But you'll never break
Nothing lasts forever
Some things aren't meant to be
But you'll never find the answers
Until you set your old heart free
"Oh, stubborn and reckless hero... You let me have a small taste of true friendship. Farewell."
Anthy resigns herself to her coffin.
17. Porter Robinson - Fellow Feeling
I cried, for I didn't think it could be true
That you and I might have always known one another
And that we could not only evoke, but conjure a place of our own
And everywhere, that has ever existed
Is all on the surface of our dream
Now please, hear what I hear
Let me explain
This ugliness, this cruelty, this repulsiveness
It will all die out
And now, I cry for all that is beautiful
Let me explain
"Who's there?"
"I came to save you."
"But... Who are you...?"
"I came all this way to be with you. So don't be afraid of this world where we can meet."
Utena reaches out to Anthy.
18. The Tiny - Know Your Demons
Listen devil
I will let you go
I have carried you for years
But my hands are sore
I won’t feed you anymore
This is as far as I will take you
I should’ve turned you down from the start
My lungs are burning
But you’re worn out too
I know your every turn
By heart
Like a favorite work of art
Know your demons
They know you
Wherever you go
They go too
Know your demons
They know you
Wherever they go
You’re bound to
...
Your poisonous whispers
Are boring me
I’ve got other words
To comfort my mind
No matter how you twist
Or how you fight
I’ll pull you out
You parasite
"By all means, stay in this cozy coffin of yours... and continue to play prince. But I have to go now."
Anthy leaves Akio.
19. Paramore - Let the Flames Begin
Somewhere weakness is our strength
And I'll die searching for it
Can't let myself regret
Such selfishness
My pain and oh the trouble caused
No matter how long
I believe that there's hope
Buried beneath it all
And hiding beneath it all and
Growing beneath it all
This is how we'll dance when they try to take us down
This is how we'll sing (oh)
This is how we'll stand when they burn our houses down
This is what will be
Oh glory
"This time, it's my turn to go. No matter where you are, I swear I'll find you. Wait for me... Utena."
Anthy officially leaves Ohtori. The song is also a nod to her movie self, who establishes a more active role and drives none other than the famous Utena car.
youtube | spotify
